When Belief Becomes a Barrier
Religion can often be a source of comfort and community, a place where people find connection, purpose, and a sense of belonging. But for me, religion became a source of conflict and disunity when the beliefs that shaped the way we interact with one another, particularly within my family, did not align with my own identity.
I grew up exposed to two different religions, Jehovah’s Witnesses and Catholicism. Religion has consistently played an important role in the lives of many of my AAPI peers, particularly for families who are seeking stability and belonging in a community. Jehovah’s Witnesses, with their strict guidelines and separation from mainstream society, appealed to my mother’s search for a strong, supportive community. Similarly, Catholicism has long been a significant force within many Filipino-American families around me, offering both spiritual connection and a sense of cultural continuity. For me, though, both religions introduced a conflict that would shape my experience with worship for years to come. Throughout my childhood years, I was heavily exposed to Jehovah’s Witnesses because of my mom and her side of the family. It was characterized by a community of believers who follow strict rules. At first, I didn’t mind practicing it until I witnessed my mom shunned, put into DA (Disciplinary Action), as they say, from the community because she “failed” to follow the rules. This resulted in strain between her and some of her siblings: they stopped talking to my mom or to us. This conflict continued even until the day my mom passed. It hurt seeing someone special to me receive this kind of treatment, especially from a community she trusted and was highly devoted to. As for me, I lost my trust in the beliefs I was taught, as I saw firsthand how they had the potential to tear apart relationships instead of fostering connection.
Young Aizelyn Cuaresma
Unfortunately, this strain within my family was amplified when my father’s side of the family began to pressure my siblings and me into Catholic practices whenever we visited them. The Sunday masses, the nightly prayers, the unspoken expectation that we would embrace Catholicism—it felt suffocating. Even though they never explicitly told me what I “should” believe, it was clear they wanted me to follow their religious practices and share their values. The assumption that religion was the key to family harmony was difficult for me to accept, especially with what I had witnessed between my mother and her family because of religious “rules”. The irony was hard to ignore: both sides of my family have had a history of slyly blaming each other’s religious beliefs for the tension and arguments between them. It felt like I wasn’t able to escape disappointing someone, no matter which side I chose to follow. The more I was pressured to conform to a religion that didn’t resonate with me, the more I became distant from both the concept of religion and my family itself. Looking back, what became clear to me was how religion, despite being an avenue for community and connection, can also have such a strong potential to break the unity between families. For many Asian American families, religion is tied to both cultural identity and familial unity. But what happens when the religious practices that are supposed to bring people together become the very thing that creates strain between them?
For me, it is a challenge to balance my own identity with keeping an authentic relationship with my family when they have high expectations for me to follow their beliefs. This experience has taught me a lot about the fragile balance between valuing family traditions and staying true to myself. I've learned that genuine community and family connection can only thrive when individual identity is regarded, not sacrificed. In my case, I had to learn to separate my own beliefs from some in my family, understanding that it is possible to love and respect others without adopting the same faith or practices. It is not easy and it requires grace and maturity, but it’s important to allow oneself to acknowledge that while religion may be deeply important to my family, it does not have to define my relationship with them—or my sense of self. I’ve come to realize that the true foundation of family harmony is not found in shared religious practices, but in the respect and understanding that we all have our differences, especially beliefs. Religion can foster deep connections, but when it becomes a source of division, it can be damaging. In navigating these issues, I’ve learned that it’s okay to stay true to my own path. The real challenge is finding a way to stay authentic while preserving the love and connection within my family, even when shared faith is no longer the common ground.
Cuaresma speaking at church
ABOUT AIZELYN CUARESMA
Aizelyn Aviena Cuaresma is a Medical Laboratory Technician Major at Southwestern college, is part of the Sangam Learning Community and taking Asian American Media & Film with Prof. J.A. Ruanto-Ramirez. Cuaresma is a resident of Paradise Valley, San Diego.